Monday, September 26, 2011

Our last fall

 It's a strange feeling going out for a ride knowing that this is the last fall I'll be riding these trails.
We're heading west sometime in the next month, or 6 months (a lot is up in the air still obviously, in particular where exactly we'll end up).  But each fall here is such a spectacle that it makes it hard to leave. The brief 3-4 weeks of colors changing are...just too short.  But I guess it wouldn't be as special if it were a few months long.  It just seems like the aspens greened up and now they're already cutting out getting ready for winter.


I went for a 3.5 hour local loop today and only went 17 miles. I just kept stopping to take photos and space out on the colors! That, and I was getting the last tweaks on the new bike setup - frame #5 seen above (it's my best yet by far, i love how it rides! Check out my other site in the next day or two if you're interested in hearing more of the details).  

  
The sunny south-facing slopes still have all their leaves and some are just starting to turn yellow. But the cooler drainages and north-facing slopes are either pure yellow brilliance or the leaves have already fallen to the ground. 'Very Male' (above) is just past prime I think...the lower reaches have fewer leaves but the top sections are perfect.

 

It's been a really bad week for me and the family...i'm not even sure how to write about it.  You that have followed this blog for awhile know that I have been pretty 'personal' at times but for the most part it's just a bunch of pictures with some words on the latest foray into the woods.  But last Tuesday, we lost Chloe, our 8 year old "wild mustang."  She lost her battle to kidney failure but held strong for a year after being first diagnosed.  She had an amazing last year of her life - walking in the woods, grazing the lush grass-filled pastures, and just spending as much time with her baby Snapdragon and with her mom (Mrs. Meriwether) as possible.  Her last day went as well as possible, but when she started having a couple of seizures we knew it was time.  We feel a big loss in our hearts, she encapsulated so much spunk and attitude that her absence is definitely overwhelming.  
On top of that, our 14 year-old shepherd mix (Basie) is having a rough time after some sort of stroke-like episode last week.  And Rikki, our 12 year old german shepherd had a 2 pound tumor removed from her right armpit area...she's recovering well but man...WTF?! Saying "when it rains it pours" is such an understatement for us right now!  We're crossing our fingers our two older dogs hang on for awhile longer, if not just for our sakes so we can spoil them rotten before they go.  

Which brings me to what some people call 'the journey'...I just can't handle this outlook on death.  Certain people believe that the journey of life leads into the journey of death, and that there is hidden meaning for the dying being in it's death as well as the ones that are affected by them.  As a result of such 'spiritually enlightened' belief systems, I've seen people let their dogs and horses die "naturally" -- not giving them pain medication to help their struggle, or choosing not to put them down via drugs or even a gunshot.  The dog or horse ends up getting attacked by coyotes and eaten alive...great journey, eh? Domesticated animals are not...wild...duh...anymore.   Such an ending is in no way "natural."  It peeves me that this belief system leads to such behavior. The journey of life ENDS at death.  We are biological organisms and the end is...the end.  Sure, we're re-incarnated in a sense with all the organisms and beings that feed and gain life from our aftermath, but to think that all deaths have some sort of hidden meaning to help guide us, or to help us understand our purpose in life, or to live better from here on out is pure speculation at best and pure myth (lies) at worst.  Who or what exactly is steering this ship anyways? A journey presumes predestination. To give into fate is to not live a life at all...but to follow these pre-determined 'signs' that are laid out before us?  No, I can't accept that. We choose our way -- with our choices and with those we choose to surround ourselves with. We define ourselves. We create our own being...and when we die, that ends.  And that, to me, is why death is so difficult for humans to understand and accept.  "It can't just end..." i hear said.  Why not? Who guaranteed life extension or reincarnation? Mythology did.  

Sorry if I'm offending anyone but all those beliefs are (in my opinion) just ways of coping with the difficulty of understanding death and it's finality.  I 'get it'...trust me.  I've lost loved ones and understand the want or need to see them later in another life.  But to call death itself a journey in itself that allows people to rationalize letting their animals suffer instead of putting them down just so that they can experience 'their journey'...is just sprinkling sugar on shit, and downright cruel.  Ok, rant over...back to the ride.



After climbing for a couple thousand feet and stopping to leaf-peep every chance i could, I re-found an old trail I haven't taken in many years (and apparently nobody else but some elk have either).  It leads to the next round of shots with the broken down cabins on some water - an old 'getaway' for people on the front range to come up and stay the night and fish in these ponds.  It all burned down some time ago and now mostly the rock parts of the structures remain.

wine cellar...? "refrigerator"...?

This chimney is absolutely huge....I don't know how it's still standing considering the wind it sees each winter.
The hidden lake nearby that looks so peaceful now but in a few months will be seeing sideways snow.
South Arapahoe Peak from a far. Lots more snow patches over-summered.

Seat-stay view of sweet singletrack

The new Sugar Mag trail is riding really well.  Some new work completed on Saturday by BMA and NATO folk is great! and much appreciated. 
Fall is my favorite season.  There's really no season that typifies change as much as fall.  Spring is so beautiful but really almost undefinable here.  It basically goes from winter to summer with a couple weeks of what some would call "spring."  This fall feels so much more permanent to me with the oncoming move; leaving a place i've called home for 20 years.  I'm bummed to be leaving my friends and these beautiful surroundings that have defined who I am and what I've become, but I'm also very excited for what we get to create at the next stop in life's journey.  ;)

3 comments:

Dan V said...

Sorry for all the badness happening to you and Sue lately. Also sorry to hear you are leaving the area. An introspective, well-written, thinker of a post. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Fear of death motivates this kind of simplistic thinking. You are so scared that you won't even allow this comment to be posted.

Meriwether said...

I'm sorry if I offended you, anonymous. This is merely my opinion.

The simplest explanation is usually closer to the truth. Furthermore, I would disagree with your statement just on common sense. Why would this kind of thinking be motivated by a fear of death? Anyone that tries to tell you or write stories of (fabricate) an afterlife or the like is more scared of the finality of death than the atheist.

I truly wish there was some kind of place I could later 'meet up' with all my loved ones! But that - to me - is just making me feel better for seeing them die, and be more comfortable with my own mortality.